It was hard to breathe; every single time I was going to meet someone or thought about meeting someone. It felt like someone was trying to choke me from the inside, I couldn’t speak. I didn’t know why it started happening but people made me anxious. I never liked going to crowded parties, whenever I went to one I always left early. Honestly, I like getting drunk alone or with a few close friends, although kids my age usually prefer huge parties, socializing and getting high AFAIK.
I don’t deny the fact that there are so many others with the same preferences that I do. I just never imagined my high school and college years to be so desolate for a person who grew up enjoying being around and meeting new people so much.
I love all my cousins and family members dearly since forever (obviously). I was going to meet my paternal family after about 6 months which, for the first time ever, I wasn’t so excited about. I felt like opening the car’s door and running away from the overwhelming situation where everyone asks me why I left my semester half-way through and came back home. Relatives are cool, but most of the Indian relatives just have to stick their face up your ass (not literally) to know what’s happening. It is pretty much impossible to avoid them.
Anyhow, I got through that evening without running away anywhere. It is my best friend’s birthday tomorrow and none of the people coming except Ron (the guy who is planning the surprise), know that I am in the country. I was never an over-thinker, but I have been stressing about meeting all of them for weeks which is not fun or healthy. When I told Ron what’s up, he just asked me to get my shit together (like I always do) and be there for her.
I have a habit of temporarily cutting off people when I far apart from them, even my parents. I know its a bad habit but ‘old habits die hard’. Which is why I didn’t expect him to understand my struggle around people.
(Damn! this is a sad ass post)
That’s all folks!